如何帮助朋友

Let your friend do the talking, do not push them or attempt to automatically find a solution. 确保他们知道你很乐意他们向你求助.

让他们来设定节奏. 让你的朋友知道你很乐意他们告诉你.

This may make them uncomfortable and will make them think you do not believe them. 不要告诉他们你希望他们做什么或者不希望他们做什么, 这可能被视为没有帮助或不支持. Asking “why” questions can sound like you are blaming them for what happened and may upset your friend further.

• For example don’t ask “why they had so much to drink” or “why they went back to someone’s room”

Your friend said they were hurt, that should be enough for you to support them.

未经允许不要告诉任何人发生了什么事. 只告诉那些你信任的人，如果你相信他们的话, you, 或者社区仍然处于危险之中.

知道去哪里寻求咨询服务, medical attention, 证据保全, 报告很重要. Do not force them to follow any of these options but make sure they know the range of possibilities. 资源可在此找到: http://bit.ly/2JAMGgq

你可以提供信息和建议, but it is ultimately their decision about what they want to do moving forward. 帮助你的朋友对自己的决定有信心.

不要假设他们想要什么或需要什么. 尊重他们告诉你的. If they do not want certain types of help that is their right, do not force it upon them. 尊重他们的决定.

什么时候去寻求支持, medical attention, or file a report with the Title IX office or police your friend might not want to be alone. 如果他们想一个人去，随他们去吧!

While you may not have the same experiences as them you can empathize with what they are experiencing. Saying things like “it could have been worse” or “it’s going to be alright” are sympathetic responses that overlook what your friend might be feeling. Using phrases like “I am sorry this happened to you” or “How can I help you right now?” are empathy based responses and will let your friend know you understand the gravity of the situation.

Assure them that this experience does not change your relationship with them. 你关心他们，会尽你所能陪在他们身边.

Your friend is going through a difficult time and may need to spend time alone. Respect their time and space and always make sure to ask before hugging or making physical contact with them.

• 引导他们找到资源:
• 对性暴力和关系暴力进行自我教育
  • Understanding what your friend talking about will make you more able to support them during this process. It is not your job to determine what happened, but it is important that you understand the situation.
• Be honest with your limitations 关于提供/在那里提供支持
  • Everyone has a threshold of how much support they can provide for someone else. 一定要意识到自己的个人局限性. Encourage your friend to reach out to professional resources so that they can receive the support they are looking for.
• 尊重隐私和保密.
  • 未经允许不要告诉任何人发生了什么事. 只告诉那些你信任的人，如果你相信他们的话, you, 或者社区仍然处于危险之中.
• Let your friend do the talking, do not push them or attempt to automatically find a solution.
  • While you want to help them understand and/or fix the situation this is not your responsibility. Let your friend process what is happening without jumping into problem solving.
• 在这些谈话中沉默是正常的
  • 让他们来设定节奏. 做一个好的倾听者，不要试图去打破沉默.
• 让你的朋友自己做决定.
  • 你可以提供信息和建议, but it is ultimately their decision about what they want to do moving forward. 帮助你的朋友对自己的决定有信心.
• 问问他们需要你做什么.
  • 不要假设他们想要什么或需要什么. 尊重他们告诉你的. If they do not want certain types of help that is their right, do not force it upon them. 尊重他们的决定.
• 当他们参加相关会议时，主动加入他们.

• 你应该骚扰或威胁与此有关的其他人.
• Helping your friend find resources and support does not mean you approve or condone their alleged actions.

Knowing what your friend is talking about and the challenges they are facing as a Complainant or Respondent will help you support them.

It is normal to have a strong reaction when learning about violence a friend has experienced or been accused of, especially if you or someone else in your life has experience with similar situations. Be compassionate with yourself, it is okay to be confused, angry, or scared. If you are struggling with this situation reach out to someone you trust, or a counselor at CPG. 重要的是，你也有人可以交谈. 而你无法改变发生在你朋友身上的事情, 你可以在这个过程中提供帮助, 但前提是你要照顾好自己.

While your intentions are in the right place it is important to recognize that what might make you feel better might not be helpful to your friend. Placing their needs and wants above your own desires for retaliation or your ideas about what we help them most, 从长远来看，对你的朋友最有利的是什么. 如果你不知道什么是最有帮助的，问他们!

你只能尽你所能. Not being able to provide your friend with all the support they require does not make you a bad friend or a failure. 为了成为一个好的支持系统，你必须照顾好自己. 确保你的朋友有几个可以求助的支持选择. Let your friend know you will not be hurt by them also talking to someone else, 你希望他们周围有一个强大的支持网络.

你向你的朋友提供的服务也同样适用于你! 在CPG找一个顾问，或者去第九条办公室. Just because you did not experience the violence yourself does not mean it does not affect you. 你的健康和幸福也很重要. 寻找一个支持系统, and make sure to continue to respect your friend’s privacy even as you seek help.